Things We’ve Learned Over Twenty-Five Years

Things We've Learned Over Twenty-Five Years

We hit the 25 year mark of marriage, y’all!

Oh boy have we learned a lot and my gracious how we’ve continued to fall deeper in love.

These words that my husband honored me with on our anniversary is an example of the things that make me swoon when it comes to him:

Happy 25th Anniversary to my beautiful, covenant wife, Kela Yvette Nellums. Our love has grown stronger and deeper and our past has proven victorious because of our being intentional. Our future is ridiculously hopeful and glorious because we will remain steadfast and intentionally deepen our faith and our love as we walk hand in hand. Thank you for always having faith filled words of encouragement, for only allowing peace to flow in our home and for loving me generously. I love you Woman and I am thrilled to live my life with you.

This marriage milestone is where there’s usually a list of things we’ve learned according to the number of years. Even though I could easily list 25 things, I won’t. I don’t even read extensive lists! Winking smile 

There are a few key things that I’d love to share about making marriage successful (and we’re still growing):

  • God first. ALWAYS. He is our the creator of this covenant union. How dare we not seek Him first since He knows absolute best.
    Brian and I both make it priority to spend time with God alone and together. The spiritual conversations that come with this draw our hearts closer to one another.
  • Grace is required. Over the years we’ve had our own personal areas of growth that would forever change the face and direction of our marriage. Without the room that we’ve given each other, it would’ve been a tough fight to gain what we needed to thrive.
    I  can’t fix anybody but MYSELF. The sooner we both learned that, the more at peace and liberty we were.
  • Sex. Lots. Frequently. Creatively. Talk about it together. Keep it an open conversation.
    I’m going in a little deeper here and revealing a couple of things. When we first married, I hated sex. Yes. we have 6 children, but the act and the desire are NOT the same thing.
    I am ashamed to say that I used to look for books that would validate my stupid excuse to not have it. And guess what…each book sent me in the direction of my husband’s heart, arms, and our marriage bed.
    This woman had to embrace the desire until it became a “get to” embrace the passion.
    God did a mighty work in my heart.
  • If you have children, they come third in your life! God.Spouse.Kids.
  • Cultivate a servant heart. You’re both there for every benefit that marriage offers. Serving well is reciprocal. Strive to out do one another; preferring them over yourselves.
  • Don’t turn everything into an issue. Sure, there will be plenty of time to work on and work out some things, but don’t turn marriage into a project.
  • Be quick to let go of offense. Better yet. Don’t even take it. (this goes for pretty much all relationships). I used to be one of the worst at taking offense. Turns out, I had an image problem. Learning my identity in Christ helps me to not take things personally.
    Weigh the situation. If something was said that can potentially offend, I ask a couple of questions and remember a fact:  what are they in the middle of? are they already distracted by/focused on something else? Fact: If isn’t his heart to cause me harm.
  • Take conflict to the throne. Be quick to seek reconciliation. Strife has no place in a marriage. It cuts off the love and blessing flow. Get the thing right!

Yes, I know that there are really really hard marriages. There are also good marriages that want to further enrich their union.
Take what I’ve learned as far as you can, or leave it on the shelf.
I share other marriage “findings” and part of our story
HERE if you’d like to read more.

I pray blessings for everyone that reads this that’s either married or desire marriage.

Living to Worship Him,