Lead or Follow. Don’t Sit on the Fence (A Word About Friendship)

PULLED FROM THE ARCHIVES OF MY OTHER BLOG. I visited an old friend of mine this morning (my Homeschool Blogger blog) that I haven’t “seen” in a very long time. I decided that since I don’t post there anymore, that I would pull what I consider some of my better work over to Pursuing What Is Excellent. So, this is the first of those posts:
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My teen daughters and I were talking about friendship recently. They are in turmoil over not developing close friendships with some girls. After listening to them tell about the on again, off again attitude toward friendship that teen girls have, I was thinking, “If feelings can be so fickle, why do you want that in your life?”.
It’s perfectly fine to have one or two close friendships. A gob of friends isn’t necessarily always healthy. One can get into a lot of trouble in this type of setting. My husband puts it best, “There are things that you’ll do with a group of people that you wouldn’t dare do on your own.”
We can teach our children about what’s valuable in friendships and how to choose your friends wisely. But, when it comes to wanting to belong, a lot of the teaching goes out the window. So, heartache is almost certain to follow.
I guess the next step in guiding our daughters (all of our children) is to focus on their leadership skills and ability. To teach them that they don’t have to compromise who they are or their values to fit in. If anything, they should want to stand out and be known for doing what’s right; to be a shining example. Who says that they have to follow? My husband claims that in high school, he was the peer pressure. His peers saw him as a stand-up guy, stepped up their game and didn’t talk about the “crap” that guys usually talk about in the locker room. They knew that he would call them on it.
I know that as MOM, I may seem stupid to my daughters and I have absolutely no clue what I’m talking about or how they feel. Number one reason is that I was never homeschooled and I don’t know what homeschooled girls go through. I’ll give them that; only the fact that I wasn’t homeschooled. BUT, the people/teen girls are the same in any setting: public school, private school, co-ops and homeschool. Girls are shunned everyday and it has nothing to do with school affiliation.
My girls have to know that : 1)They can’t please (nor should they strive to) everyone. 2)They should strive to be the best that God designed them to be.
I hope that this is an open dialogue between my girls and I as they get older and wiser. They do confess sometimes that I make valid points. We’ll see.

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About Kela

I'm Kela! I am a Daddy's (Abba Father) girl, wife, mom, and grandma. I'm also an educator, writer, singer, Bible study leader, and mentor. I'm a Southern girl that drinks coffee even in the heat of Summer. My passion is encouraging others in their faith.

  • So true Kela, wish I had hear this great advice when I was growing up.

    Miss seeing you around!!

  • This says it all: “They should strive to be the best that God designed them to be.”

    Thanks for the good read. Glad I was able to pop in today.

    Blessings upon you and your precious family.

  • What a great conversation to have with your girls. I have a teen of my own, and friendship is a frequent topic. Your girls received some sweet nuggets of truth from you.

    Blessings to you as you share the holidays with your family –
    Julie

  • It’s an ongoing dialogue. Thankfully though they are grasping that. I see that the more they seek God for friendship guidance, they are becoming more selective.