Deal With It Before It Starts

      10 Comments on Deal With It Before It Starts

I’ve been dealing with selfishness (before it starts).

Brian had been under pressure (not a bad, bad thing) with getting work orders done in a timely manner. With this, he’s been very focused on work and not much else.

I would start to feel really put out by this and thinking, “what about me? Don’t I matter to you? Why aren’t you paying attention to me???” wah wah wahhh!
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There are a few things that I have to remind myself of during those selfish times: My husband cannot meet every need or want that I have. He’s human. Besides, it’s not his “job” to meet my every need….where would God fit into that?

My husband is doing the best he can to provide for our family so that I can stay home and educate our children.
I must not believe satan’s lies when he tries to tell me that my needs aren’t important to my husband. I know for a fact that I’m on his mind constantly….that’s why he calls me throughout the day or texts me randomly to tell me that he’s in love with me.

As one of my friends says about husbands; they show that they care, but not necessarily the way we as wives always think they should. We may not get the lengthy conversations or the endless hours of just lounging in each others arms, but he does make sure that there is milk and food in the house before it starts to snow. He makes sure that my gas tank is full. etc.

There does have to be balance and emotional connection but there are times that I have to be understanding of the situation and rely on God to be my all so that I can be my husband’s helpmate during that time.

I am a major influence on my husband. My attitude affects him. If I’m cold to him, because my perceived reality is that he doesn’t care about me, he could start to resent that he has to go to work everyday to provide for a woman that’s unappreciative.

The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands. Proverbs 14:1

When I’m warm and gentle with him, he drops everything that he can to keep me satisfied. I have to keep my emotions in check.

The heart of her husband safely trust her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:11-12

Brian and I have a saying; something that we try to remember to ask 100_3051ourselves if we’re feeling ill toward each other: “My perception is my reality BUT is that the truth?”
It has diffused many a explosions. LOL (We don’t have explosions. We really do live peaceably with each other.)
After reading back over this post, it seems like I’ve visited this topic before. I guess this is a little reminder for myself!

My husband is such a blessing to me. He dotes on me when he can. He loves me always.

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About Kela

I’m Kela! I am a Daddy’s (Abba Father) girl, wife, mom, and grandma. I’m also an educator, writer, singer, Bible study leader, and mentor.
I’m a Southern girl that drinks coffee even in the heat of Summer.
My passion is encouraging others in their faith.

  • I love that! Deal with selfishness before it starts…..I’m going to remember that when I find myself whining that my husband doesn’t meet my needs (in my mind anyway!)

    Such wisdom in this post. xo

  • Happy Valentine’s to you & yours. I pray for my hubby all the time, knowing that God knows what I need. Trusting that He will supply in all things. You are right – i’s believing the enemy’s lies when we ponder negative thoughts about our loved ones. We have to give them over to God. Have a great weekend!
    Wylie

  • Alright, girl, now reread what you wrote every day three times…no, really, satan is the master of lies, isn’t he? It is very easy to get caught up in being jealous of the “other” responsibilities our husbands have, or put undue pressure on them. Is your husband a “server” maybe–showing love by putting gas in your car made me think that he might be. You can show him love in the same way, by taking care of things around the house, having a nice meal for him when he comes home, showing a cheerful face–I’m also talking to myself, cuz I have a server husband. Anyways, enjoyed your post–and I’ll be praying for your husband’s stress, and you:) (It’s not an easy time to be a man.)
    Hugs,
    Wendy

  • I love what you said that he calls to tell you that he is in love with you..not just I love you, but I am STILL in love with you!

    Amen girl and thanks for the reminder to not think ill will about my husband’s motives!

    love ya girl!

    Jen

  • I love how you actually worked through what you were feeling as you were blogging about it. 🙂

    Hope you have a great week!

  • I LOVE the saying you and Brian have!
    That is awesome!
    Thank you for this gentle reminder that A) “man” (not even when that “man” is our HUSBAND) can never fulfill our needs…ONLY GOD CAN…and B) We must accept the ways in which our spouses DO pay attention to us, even if those ways are not the ones we are hoping for!
    Thanks Kela! I am LOVING my husband journal!
    ~Judy~

  • I love your heart girl! I’m studying the Proverbs woman and that very topic was in my reading yesterday. “Selfishness stems from pride and is first in the list of sins most hated by God (Proverbs 6:16-19); according to Scripture, selfishness is a sin. And we all know how to overcome our sins! Wise is the woman who lives by the principle that if she is not satisfied with what she has, she will never be satisfied with what she wants. I know you are satisfied with your man, he’s awesome! But sometimes their work to provide for us because they love us so makes us feel left behind. He’s being the man God designed for you, providing for you. When you’re feeling alone, go to God, then go to your Godly girlfriends! 🙂 ♥ ya!

  • Very thought provoking, thank you! How easy it is to get into the habit of putting way too much responsiblity on my husband for my feelings when they are mine to deal with and to forget, My Savior must the be the One I run too first 🙂 I love your blog!

  • I really needed to read this today. My husband has been overwhelmed lately with a lot of heavy stuff (he’s a minister). This is the 2nd Saturday in a row that he’s been gone for the entire day.
    So, I’ve been sad (off and on) today.
    Thank you for this encouraging post!
    I know he loves me and wants to be with me…and very soon things will calm down and we will have some peace and quiet together:_

  • beautiful.. my hubby has been very tired lately, overworked.. and I miss him, but you’re right, he does everything to support this wife and children because he loves us.. and it’s not nice of me to complain that he’s so tired! I haven’t been around the blog world for a while, I’m trying to get back to it